Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Worst Feeling

I had the worst feeling in the world this afternoon. I went outside and called for Dakota since he had a friend call to see if he wanted to come over and swim and when I yelled for him he didn't answer. I yelled and yelled and yelled at the top of my lungs and still no answer. I called his friend and said I would bring him over as soon as I found him (since they were on their way to pick him up) but Kota was no where to be found. Usually when he's outside he's right by our house or within earshot to hear me when I call for him. This time he was not! I went in the house and told Jordan I couldn't find him. Jordan said he was on his scooter when he went out to bring the garbage cans in. I went back out and yelled for him again, still no answer! I ran back in the house with my heart in my throat at this point and told Jordan I was getting in the van to go down the street to look for him and if Jordan heard from Kota to call me right away. I did the drive down the road and yelled out the window for him...."KOTA, KOTA" and he was still not answering me. At this time I really began to get upset. In my mine I'm thinking do I call the police? If I do I can't remember what he was wearing. Do I call my friend Missy and have her come help me look? Do I call Joel at work and have him come home and be mad at me that I don't know where our son is? Do I call my mom and work and upset her so she can't think and have her come over? Do I call Pastor Chuck and Pastor Sharon and have them pray?

I did tell my angles to go find him and bring him back right away. As I drove back home I was hoping Kota was in the house hiding from me thinking it was a game, and not a funny game at that! I walked in the door, hollering for him and Jordan said he wasn't in the house. I looked in his closet thinking he might still be hiding and checked all the rooms but still no Kota! I told Jordan I was really getting worried. Actually, I was yelling at Jordan and crying at the same time. Jordan got up, put on his shirt and went outside to start looking. I got back in the van and drove down the hill by our house and was yelling out the window for him. No answer! I turned the van around, went back up the hill, asked Jordan what I should do. He told me to drive over to another street and look in the sub-division. I told him Kota wasn't allowed to go that far and he said it didn't matter but to look in that area. He also said Kota was stupid for going too far and making me worry but that's beside the point! I did as Jordan suggested and got the the end of the street and who do I see riding their scooter without a care in the world????? KOTA!!!! I told him to get in the van right now. Then I broke down in a full fledged ugly cry. Kota was looking at me like I was crazy and said he didn't think his scooter would fit in the van. I told him to make it fit and get in the van right now! He did as he was told for once and then I turned around and headed for home. I asked him who gave him permission to go so far from home. He said no one did. I asked him since when has he been allowed to go this far by himself? He said no one did. I told him how worried I was, that I was ready to call the police, that he had me scared to death that someone had taken him, that I loved him too much to live my life without him and that he's lucky he's not lost! When we got home I went into his room and told him I was really, really upset at what he did and how worried he had me. He started to tear up and knew I was very upset. I told him to never say I didn't love him again ( he does this when he's mad at me) and he said he wouldn't (we'll see about that!). Anyway, that was my scare for the day. I think it aged me about 10 yrs. I did take him to his friend, Adam's house. When I got there I told Adam's mom, Missy, what had happened and I started to cry all over again. It actually took me about an hour to compose myself.

Thank you Jesus for watching out for my son. Thank you angles for bringing him back to me safely and thank you Missy for listening to me blubber about almost losing my son! She's a mom and she understands! If can live the rest of my life and never feel that way again I will be very thankful! To never see this face again would shatter my world! I love you Kota!




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